mica, gabe, rafa and joachim hard at work!

picasa 3

i love picasa 3! look what it made! =)

my angels

a question of trust

let me just say this at the outset: i know that my current yayas are not hurting my children.  my question is; how would you know when your child is being looked after properly by the yaya you've hired?   i mean, really... how would you know?  would your child tell you?  what if they think that you know what the yaya is doing and that, since you aren't stopping it, you are in agreement with it?  what if, when you're around, your yaya is nice and obedient, but when you leave or your back is turned, she's pinching your kid?  short of putting in video cameras and microphones in every room in the house to spy on them, what is the next best thing? 

i'm being very vigilant with my yayas.  i've had some yayas who were hurting my boys before.  this was when the boys were younger and they weren't talking yet.  my current yayas know that if i catch them or if i hear one just one incident of them hitting or hurting my boys, i will fire them without hesitation.  and they assure me that they aren't the type to hurt children.  "hindi sila nananakit" is what they say.  i believe them.  i have to...

but, here's the kicker - what if they aren't physically hurting your child, but emotionally scarring them?  telling them that they're stupid or making them feel like they're not wanted?  beating them down emotionally by telling them that they're "leave-able" - the yaya won't stay because they're not good boys (or girls)?

i'm so concerned that i talk to my yayas individually about this. i'm very quick to stop that sort of thing - the soft comments they make that are meant only for the ears of their alaga is exactly what i listen for.  thank God that my yayas aren't used to making these comments (either that or they're very good at hiding it!), so i'm not having a hard time with this. 

we have to trust our yayas... because we have to work... not everyone has the luxury of staying home and just caring for the children.  i'm sure that that's the ideal, but in the world of today, a lot of moms have to go out and work. 

i got to thinking about this because rafa couldn't sleep... i don't know if it's because his yaya is "madaldal" (according to the other 2 yayas, she badgers him "dapat matulog ka na! yan kasi ice cream ng ice cream, etc." - how can he sleep if she doesn't shut up?) or because he's just not sleepy.  but they know that we're watching them very closely, so i don't think his yaya is doing anything, but the fear is there...

after talking it out, over, sideways and under, and scaring ourselves with nightmare scenarios, tabby and i have come back to what we've decided before - we have to trust our yayas... and pray really hard! =)  

Joachim in October

it's all in the diaper!

i've always known that i'm super lucky when it comes to having tabby as my children's father.  he's such a hands on dad, it's amazing!  my brother likes to tease him that he's under and it's demeaning for him to be the one to change the diapers and all that, but the proof is in the pudding!  my boys loove their father.  they love him to bits and pieces!  his approval is important to them, the time he spends with them is golden!  although they look for me, it's usually because they're asking for something or want to do something that they know papa won't approve of!  for example, they will ask me for pepperoni pizza, but would never dream of even hinting to papa that they want pizza for dinner.  haha  =)

i read this article in Baby Zone's page (i signed up to get updates on the weekly development of joachim) and it all became clear to me why our boys are so good and sweet and loving... it's because their papa changed their diapers!  (to the men reading this: are you listening?)  read on!  =)

click on the title below to read it on the original page or just read on =)

Baby's Brain in Week 12

He may never make a peep about it, but by now, Dad might feel that Baby prefers Mom—and that may bum him out. When he holds Baby, she may squirm and look around for Mom. And when passed to Mom, Baby may quiet almost instantly.

The big secret? The only real preference that Baby has for Mommy is that she, if nursing, is Baby's sole source for food, which she knows she needs to survive. Even when not nursing, a breastfeeding mom's scent provides comfort as her child associates it with breast milk. (Remember those week 4 pacifier studies?) Ultimately, Baby may seem more relaxed with Mom over Dad because she knows, instinctively, that Mom equals food.

Yet other than nursing, dads are fully capable of all caregiving tasks: feeding from a bottle, burping, rocking, comforting, playing, and changing diapers. We now know that the messier the task he undertakes, the better Dad's chances are of having Baby cozy up to him.
What the Research Shows

Researchers wanted to know the difference between the dads whose children readily turned to them and those who didn't. They conducted a study that involved counting the diapers that the dads changed. For the daddies who took the time and got beyond the ick factor, changing diapers seemed to secure the child's attachment to Dad as well as to Mom: The more diapers dads changed, the more babies turned to their fathers for comfort when distressed—even when mom was in the vicinity.

Really, there's nothing magical about diapering when it comes to solidifying the father-infant bond—the research doesn't suggest that men necessarily have a better technique or strategy that babies like better. What diapering does provide, however, is an interactive time for the child and diaperer to get well-acquainted. It's an intimate social time that familiarizes Baby with the person in charge of the task, thereby building her trust in that person.

And chances are, if Dad's changing lots of diapers, he's likely doing other things to care for his child as well, which leads to a stronger attachment. In about six months or so, Baby will identify a "primary attachment figure" (or figures)—someone she'll demand when she's distressed or needs care. For some children this person is definitely Mom; for others, it's either Mom or Dad.

So every solid effort Dad makes right now to care for Baby helps her feel safe with him. As she gets older, she will approach him for all sorts of needs, further developing their relationship. And not only that, but children are also more likely to reach their potential when they know Dad really cares.