my operation

I'm experiencing a deprivation that's extremely hard to bear. I am unable to carry Joachim in any way - in my arms, on my lap, standing up or sitting down. I can't even lean down and help him walk, correct his balance or shield him when he over-corrects himself. There's a very good reason for this, i know. It's just that I feel like he's going to outgrow me - that he'll get used to not going to me for anything or that he'll stop trying to get me to carry him.

My side is still so painful from the operation to remove the stones from my kidney. It's been 6 days and i'm still in pain. It's not getting better, mostly because of the tube that's sticking out of my side. It runs from my right kidney to a urinary leg bag, attached to my right thigh. Tabby says I remind him of Lara Croft because of the way it's attached. I just laugh and tell him that he should be so lucky. :-)

To make things light, I tell him that he's probably the only man in the world with a wife that can pee standing up without getting messy.  hehe It works for a time, then we're brought back to reality by my needing his help to get up. I can't go from a lying/reclining position to a sitting position without a great deal of pain. I have a high tolerance for pain, so he knows that it's pretty bad when I can't help but make little sounds of pain (because I'm stifling the groan). Moving from sitting to standing up (and vice versa) is relatively easier. It's painful, but tolerable. Walking is a chore. But the longer I am upright, the easier it is. Stairs are best taken slowly and with great care, whether going up or down.

It's discouraging to know that Joachim prefers the yaya over me or Tabby. But then again, I think that he has no choice, really. I'm not carrying him and neither is Tabby, really, since he's busy taking care of me.

It's cold comfort knowing that I made the right decision by postponing this surgery til Joachim was older. If he were younger, it would be intolerable and definitely not something we would want. I would not have been able to continue breastfeeding him if I had done this earlier. 

Today, though, he still took comfort from me... I'm so grateful that he still wanted me! Ü he got stranger anxiety because a friend of ours visited after a long period of absence and she was so excited to see him that he got scared - a woman, unknown to him, was laughing and cooing and approaching him!  so he started crying... poor baby... he was clinging to tabby and then after a while, when his crying subsided, since he wasn't lifting his face from tabby's shirt, i got him by sliding him onto my lap and was able to hold him properly for the first time in weeks!  it felt heavenly!! and he seemed to take comfort from me because he stopped crying totally and was calming down.  he consented to look at our friend (who had sat down again) and even said hi to her! Ü he's such a darling, darling boy! Ü

Halloween 2009

Trick or treating at san lorenzo village - micael, gabriel, rafael, joachim, ava and riley were joined by bechay and itos Ü after walking down three of the longest streets in sanlo, they decide that they want to play pa in the park! haha the adults were tired, thirsty and a little frazzled (trying to herd all the kids is hard work!), but they were so cute on the slides and jungle gym that we just had to stop Ü

hours...

i remember crying and feeling like a terrible mother when micael was about 2 years old and the twins were about 1 year old because they seemed to want the yayas more.  in fact, i couldn't put them to sleep - they refused! they associated me with play and so when i was around, no matter what time it was, it was play time... in the end, my yayas would gently ask me to leave the room so that they can put the boys to sleep because they were getting cranky from being super sleepy! 

i remember my brother-in-law, joey, consoling me by telling me that no matter what, i will always be their mother! yayas come and go, but mothers will always be there!  and it made me feel better...

i've been thinking about how different joachim is from his brothers (at this age - 13months) - in terms of how he responds to me... he wants me more than he wants any of the yayas (his or his brothers').  he prefers that i carry him and that i'm the one that puts him to sleep... either me or tabby.  i think it's because he sleeps with us until now, whereas mica was moved into his own room at 4 months and the twins were moved out at maybe 3 or 4 months as well...  it was necessary to move them out so early because i was working in a call center then and my hours were erratic, so to make things easier for the boys, we put them in another room.

now, i work for my mom, so things are more relaxed (work-wise)... i've been on maternity leave for about a year now, although i still don't report for work in the office, my mom has me do stuff at home na lang.

i'm amazed that it makes such a difference in the attitudes of the kids that i'm around.  they take it for granted that i'll be home and that i'm available to them at any time.  i love it!  i realize that i wasn't like this before - i would be around, obviously, but not with the same consistency and in the sheer quantity of hours that i'm around now! 

it's a blessing that i have this and i'm thankful everyday for it!  i don't know how the boys will react to when i have to go back to the office everyday, but i think that they'll be ok... i'm just glad that i'm getting to lay this foundation for joachim and that i have this time "on deposit" for mica, gabe and rafa Ü

Joachim at 12 months =)

Joachim's first steps!! =)

Joachim Kalbo =)

Done August 5 at the Kids' Hair Salon in Rustans =) He didn't cry! I'm so amazed at him! i think it's because his 3 older brothers were all there, keeping him entertained and distracting him so he wouldn't cry... when he started fussing, all of them came over and immediately tried to make him smile or look at them or something! it was a sight to see! =) i love how they love him! he's always referred to (by the boys ha!) as "my baby" not "my baby brother"! =)

Joachim in March (7th month)

A tooth, a tooth!

Joachim has a tooth!! I felt it's sharp edge when he was gumming my knuckle earlier this afternoon... No wonder he's been biting and drooling like there's no tomorrow!  >sigh< my baby's growing up!    

Tagaytay Feb 28 - March 1

We went up with Nikka, Paul and Ty for Nana and Bryan's wedding at Taal Vista Hotel. On Sunday, we had lunch at Geraldine's in Highland and then to the Animal Farm. =) Fun!

The boys in February =)

Joachim turned 6 months old! Time flies by so fast... It seems like i just brought him home! And now, i look at him and see how he smiles and engages me... he's learning to crawl now. i think he's teething, too, because he's got lots of laway! he's my little laway boy =) and he super loves his brothers! the boys are so kilig when joachim smiles at them...

Joachim in January...

Mica, Gabe and Rafa's birthday party 2009

we celebrated at the cogons in polo on a beautiful, warm (not hot), sunny day! the kids had a blast swimming in the 3 kiddie pools. those that didn't swim played in the playroom and the playground that was close by. the cakes were gorgeous and the cupcakes to die for! =) several kids kept going back for cupcakes and no matter how often i rearranged the cupcakes, there was always a few spots empty and some kid had either yellow or blue lips =) i'm so glad it's over! haha but the point is the kids had fun! =)

Laugh Out Loud!

Joachim's reacting and laughing out loud to Tabby. He's so good with him! =)

Christmas in Baguio =)

i accidentally deleted the album, so i had to repost it... sigh... i think i added some photos and removed some... not sure anymore, but... here it is =) joachim's first christmas and our first trip to baguio as a family! =) we stayed at the house of tita cynthia in john hay and it was beautiful! super cold, too! the kids loved the horses at wright park, mini golf inside john hay and the view at mines view park. next time we go, we'll go to burnham park and maybe go on the boats and/or ride the bicycles! =)

New Year's at Highlands 2008

Joachim and Papa =)

Joachim in November =)

updated December. In this album: Joachim at 4 months =)

Montemar Beach Resort trip Nov. 7-9, 2008

we went for the birthday of tabby's dad and sookie and dondi's wedding anniversary =) ava, eli and joachim's first time on a beach... they released baby turtles too! =) montemar is a turtle preserve and they had hatchlings that had to be released. tabby's mom and sister (auntie elizabeth) joined us there too =)

mica, gabe, rafa and joachim hard at work!

my angels