strange thing, this ambivalence i'm feeling about getting pregnant. i got my sign (the one i asked Mama Mary for) that i'm pregnant. but i got it the day after i got my period... so what does that mean? i'll be pregnant soon? or is She answering something else?
i wish things were clearer. while i was waiting for my period, i actually cut down on my caffeine, smoking and was really careful about the medicines i was taking... no popping a ponstan for the slightest headache. i just suffered through it... because i was worried that i might hurt the baby (if i was). but then... i got my period.
so... here i am. still waiting. i think that, in the deepest, darkest, most quiet recesses of my soul, i do want one. but... (and there's always a 'but'!) but... there's the practicalities to consider. do i really want to bring another life into this world? another person to love, to worry about and to lose sleep over?
I've always said that i enjoyed being pregnant and i do! it's the next 4 months that scare me. and i don't know how my boys would take it. they'd be over the moon with it for a while, but then when they see me paying more attention to the baby, they might resent her/him.
hmmm... more things to think about... sigh. it never ends...
nan, you are a fantastic mother. maybe this is God's way of preparing you and your body for a baby in a few months. :) your boys will take on the roles of big brothers in stride. they are so sweet and smart. just like their mommy!
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