let me just say this at the outset: i know that my current yayas are not hurting my children. my question is; how would you know when your child is being looked after properly by the yaya you've hired? i mean, really... how would you know? would your child tell you? what if they think that you know what the yaya is doing and that, since you aren't stopping it, you are in agreement with it? what if, when you're around, your yaya is nice and obedient, but when you leave or your back is turned, she's pinching your kid? short of putting in video cameras and microphones in every room in the house to spy on them, what is the next best thing?
i'm being very vigilant with my yayas. i've had some yayas who were hurting my boys before. this was when the boys were younger and they weren't talking yet. my current yayas know that if i catch them or if i hear one just one incident of them hitting or hurting my boys, i will fire them without hesitation. and they assure me that they aren't the type to hurt children. "hindi sila nananakit" is what they say. i believe them. i have to...
but, here's the kicker - what if they aren't physically hurting your child, but emotionally scarring them? telling them that they're stupid or making them feel like they're not wanted? beating them down emotionally by telling them that they're "leave-able" - the yaya won't stay because they're not good boys (or girls)?
i'm so concerned that i talk to my yayas individually about this. i'm very quick to stop that sort of thing - the soft comments they make that are meant only for the ears of their alaga is exactly what i listen for. thank God that my yayas aren't used to making these comments (either that or they're very good at hiding it!), so i'm not having a hard time with this.
we have to trust our yayas... because we have to work... not everyone has the luxury of staying home and just caring for the children. i'm sure that that's the ideal, but in the world of today, a lot of moms have to go out and work.
i got to thinking about this because rafa couldn't sleep... i don't know if it's because his yaya is "madaldal" (according to the other 2 yayas, she badgers him "dapat matulog ka na! yan kasi ice cream ng ice cream, etc." - how can he sleep if she doesn't shut up?) or because he's just not sleepy. but they know that we're watching them very closely, so i don't think his yaya is doing anything, but the fear is there...
after talking it out, over, sideways and under, and scaring ourselves with nightmare scenarios, tabby and i have come back to what we've decided before - we have to trust our yayas... and pray really hard! =)
I feel for you sis!i have a nightmare experience also w/ my little angel's yaya before.that's why no more yaya "MUNA" ngyon,its really hard to find and trust nowadays w/ our childs yaya's.Unlike before tumatanda n sila kaka-alaga sa mga alaga nila,they are still there to protect their alaga's.Ngyon hhhaaayyy super hirap maghanap ng "matino tlaga".u can look at my site,why its so traumatic for us.thnx and god bless u and ur family!
ReplyDeletee, nanny, what about the yaya who's too good, feeling niya your child is HERS na!
ReplyDeleteTati's yaya before was like that. it came to a point where she would disregard what i'd say, just coz she thinks SHE knows what's BEST!
i debated with myself if i should keep her (coz she was good & she loved tati) or get rid of her na. my friend scared me with stories na "baka sinisiraan ka na sa anak mo", or "tangayin niya si tat, and keep her for herself!" we let her go....
We really do not know what really happens when we are gone. Usually, we find out in the end when the yaya has left and the other helpers or even the drivers say something. One yaya of Luis even slapped Luis in front of me! What else would she do when I was away?! Ever since that incident, I didn't trust any yaya from any agency. That was the end of getting any helper from any agency at all. The next yaya of Luis, was the yaya that would clean my room even before I was pregnant. So I trusted her in a way, she wasn't as educated but at least my son was happy. After 2 years though, she would start to neglect all her chores and even answering me back. I fired her but would you believe that my parents kept her as the cook/taga-init ng pagkain. But I made myself clear to my mom, that she is NOT allowed to touch Luis at all. Eventually, the other yayas were all so fed up with her and even bit another yaya. I called the Barangay and made sure that she was banned from the village. Never had a yaya for Luis anymore. It's really hard to trust them even though you feel comfortable and in a way trust them. I always make sure, that Luis tells me everything and anything that he feels is not appropriate and not to be scared. Thankfully, Luis is much older now and does practically everything himself. I have been trying to train him and myself not to depend on the yayas so much because we never know what can happen. In the end Nanny, prayer will always guide you protect you. You are such a great mom!!!! Take care and hope to see you soon!
ReplyDeleteyikes!! excuse me ha! you're the mommy! no one can ever replace you!
ReplyDeletegrabe naman that yaya! scary... your friend's right, the yaya might have taken tati... cute kasi... =) hehe
Hi Nanny. One time, Issay and I "accidentally" left the camcorder on, on top of the fridge with a wide lens and caught one of them speaking badly to Toni. We showed her the tape and she was gone.
ReplyDeletei know that my yayas aren't treating by boys badly... what i do sometimes is just hang out in the hallway outside the kids' rooms and just listen. it's easy to hear what's being said inside the rooms and i've never heard anything to make me concerned. i guess it's just that when i started thinking about the possible reasons why rafa couldn't sleep, the fact that the yaya scares him with the threat of calling papa if he didn't lie down and sleep na came to mind and i thought... well, maybe she scares him with other things or thoughts. who knows what goes through the mind of a 4 year old? everything and anything can become scary and he might be so anxious over these imaginary things that he can't sleep!
ReplyDeletethe other day, when he wandered too far from me in sm, i told him that if he moved too far (as in i couldn't see him anymore), i would just leave him at home next time. he asked me very seriously "why mommy? who will get me? the guard?" i was like "what?! where did you hear that? who told you that?" he didn't want to answer me, but who else but the yaya would say something like that? i told him, "no love, the guard will help you find mommy if you get lost, but he won't take you home! he's here to help, so if you can't find me in the mall, look for the guard and ask him to help you find me, ok?" his response was "yes, mommy", but i know he was scared that he'd get lost and someone would take him because he seriously did not leave me side the remainder of the time we were there!
the 2nd yaya got too comfortable with you - sayang those people, no? they're hard working, then when they think that their job is secure and they won't get fired, they get lazy... =(
ReplyDeletei'd love to be the only one the kids depended on - in fact, i found an old journal entry that stated that i wanted to have yayas only until the boys are 3. by then, i was sure that i could do it on my own! work and still take care of my boys. riight... little did i know that at the age of 3, they become more demanding because they want to run in different directions at the same time! i don't think i would have survived their toddlerhood if i didn't have the yayas. seriously. =)
We should be vigilant na talaga! Even my yaya claimed na she is expert but still I don't give her my 100 percent trust.She is nice naman and patient but most of the time she tends to forget many things.So I always keep an eye on her.=) And I don't let her feel na mas marunong siya sa akin even I am a first time mom mahirap na baka mamaya she will always insist what she wants... I always read lots of articles about parenting and ask/consult my friend about little problems.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard really. I never really leave the girls with the yaya without Mama. Don't trust anyone. It's hard. But now that they're talking, I'm more willing to do it when Mama is away.
ReplyDeleteit's easier when they're talking... they can tell you what happened and why. hard lang kasi when the kids think that it's "normal" and so they don't mention it. that happened with rafa and the yaya before this one. she had gripped his cheeks hard enough to bruise (he had matching bruises on each side of his face) when he wasn't cooperating with her feeding him dinner. when i asked him what happened, he just shrugged and said "nothing, mommy" and looked away. and when i asked the yaya, she said she didn't know how it got there. needless to say, she's gone.
ReplyDeleteGood that she's gone. She has no right to hurt your children. I guess we need to teach the kids that that sort of behavior is not normal so they know to tell us when someone hurts them.
ReplyDelete