being a new mom (again!)

I find that being a new mom for the fourth time is more relaxing... don't get me wrong... it's still a challenge - mostly because i've forgotten how painful having a c-section is!  when i first stood up (the day after i gave birth), it felt like acid was being poured on the incision site.  it was terrible! but i managed to hobble to the bathroom - dragging the iv pole behind me.  It was hard sitting up to breastfeed in bed, but so much harder moving around - having to get up to go to the nursery in makati med was not fun.  the policy of the nursery is: when you're no longer attached to the iv, they won't bring your baby to you in your room anymore.  they want you to go to them.  i understand the rationale behind it.  it's better for the newborn because they're not exposed to the dirty air of the hallways of makati med.  but it's difficult for the mommy.  whether you give birth normally or have a c-section, it's equally difficult. 

tabby and i decided to have joachim room in with us on our last night there.  mostly because i felt like the nurses in the nursery weren't reading joachim correctly.  they would call me to go to the nursery to feed him, even if he wasn't hungry.  according to them, he's hungry if he opens his eyes.  hello?!  so i would rush (as much as was possible) to the nursery because i didn't want him to cry too hard while waiting for me... when i get there, he's not crying.  and when i settle in to feed him, he sucks for about 2 minutes and then falls asleep... for an hour!  i'm there, holding him in the breastfeeding room, trying to gently wake him up so he can eat... but he's sleepy.  maybe he was just looking for me to hold him.  so ok lang... but when i decide to go back to the room and sleep (it's ususally about 3 or 4 in the morning na), the nursery calls me after 30 minutes because he's awake and want to eat daw.  frustrating.

anyway, having him room in with us was an experience.  i didn't realize that when he's roomed in with us, as far as the nursery is concerned, he's been discharged from the hospital.  they don't check on him - nothing.  the ones taking his vital signs were the student nurses.  umm... not exactly the way i imagined makati med taking care of my boy.  they didn't even make him hatid to the entrance when i was discharged the next day.  i found that strange.

now, 2 weeks after giving birth, i'm home and healing well, i think.  the pain is going away - it just hurts when i sneeze or cough, when i stand up too fast or when i walk around without the abdominal binder.  i still can't sit up from lying down because it hurts, but it's getting easier. 

it could be that i'm older, and so am having an easier time with everything - giving him a bath, changing diapers, calming him down when he's crying... everything.  i think that it has to do with being more calm and more sure of myself as a mother.  this time around, i know what i want and how i want things to be done - especially when it comes to my baby.  i'm more able to sit back and simply enjoy being a mother! 

the challenge is to balance being a new mom to joachim and being the mom of mica, gabe and rafa.  it's difficult having to balance the needs of mica, gabe and rafa with regards to joachim with the safety and comfort of joachim.  i know that the older boys need to feel needed - need to be included in taking care of the baby.  i know that they want to be included and want to be the one helping me to take care of the baby so, in a sense, things are easier for me.  it's just that in their eagerness to help, tabby and i are concerned (the yayas, too) that they might hurt (inadvertently) joachim. 

it's cool, though. things are good here at home.  they're so cute when they talk about their baby brother... the boys call him "my joachim" and "my baby"!  they're so aware of their newest brother, it's amazing!  the three have always been close - you can't give one something without the question "what about for kuya?  for gabriel (rafael)?" coming at you... now, they've added "what about for joachim?"

i catch myself tearing over the kindness and love the boys have for each other...  and laugh at their antics.  i can only imagine the chaos to come when joachim is older and able to participate in their games!