aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

I was so harassed today when I arrived at work.  The program I'm supposed to use to answer emails didn't want to load and I had to pull an escalated email from the queue.  It's part of my job description to answer escalated emails.  I was mildly panicking.  I had called the Helpdesk and everything and all they could say was  "we'll check it out".  I was actually content to leave it at that, but then I got an email from the Team Manager to look into the email that was "stuck" in our queue!  My mild panic became full-blown!  I tried to log in to the program using 5 different computers, to no avail.  Turns out the server from the States that I was trying to access was down.  But I was able to get the email by using someone else's computer - they were already logged in.  Then my Supervisor arrived.  I had to go to the grocery to pay for the diapers and milk of the kids and I was planning to just sneak out.  That plan was shot when he arrived.  *sigh*  I asked permission to go get coffee and thank goodness he said yes!  I went to the grocery and then to get coffee with Tabby, Pines and Pinay.  I was gone from the office for around an hour.  Oops...

While I was trying to log into the program, my dad called and told me that my using "their" car was "abala" and Tabby and I should just use our own car.  Of course, when I told Tab that the car had to be returned to the house, he felt bad.  Not because we had to return the car so that my bro could use it, but because of the fact that dad said we were "abala".  It was pretty rough.  He was actually talking about moving us all to Shaw.  Oh my.  Hay naku.  I don't think that he was serious, but... what can I do if he really wants to do that?  It's not like I can overrule him.  Where he goes, I go.  Where we are, the kids are.  *sigh* 

I really wish that we had enough money to just be on our own.  That's what it comes down to.  Money.  We can't afford to live on our own.  We have 3 kids, 3 yayas.  I get so depressed sometimes when I think about our (lack of) financial security.  This is why I had to take up mom on her job offer.  It offers us breathing space.  So I really had no choice.  I've got mixed feelings about going to work for mom.  I'm sure that it's not going to be as easy as I think it will be.  Nothing with mom is. 

So here I am at the office, listening to Moulin Rouge on my iPod (which came from dad), feeling like shit.  I don't think that there is anything I can do about this, and so all I can do is lift it up to Mama Mary and Jesus.  I know They will watch out for me.  And I trust that They will place me where They want me. 

I want to sleep.  All I want to do is just disappear and do nothing for a full 24 hours.  Just lie down, sip my tea, smoke my cigarette and just... be.  I need a break.  Wish it were that easy... oh well. Back to the grind.